PromQueenSubdued

There is great mischief a-brewing in my household, and I do not just mean the fake witch's cauldron on my front lawn.  I add fake because of a button I saw this week, "Bring back family values - burn witches."  Living in a very red state, somebody might think that is the most brilliant idea they have heard all week. 

No witch-mischief here. Just the good old-fashioned grown-up kind. My husband and I are headed to a nekkid place this weekend. I would be happy to be naked all weekend just the two of us with no kids. (Naked with the kids home  could have been okay when they were pre-schoolers, but not so much now) It is an adults-only naked place about 2 hours from here. (naked + no kids = lower super-granola to sexy person ratio) Think trailer hedonism on the cheap.  

Why do I mention this, you may ask? I can hear you saying that this might be one embarrassment I should keep to myself.  Nahhhh .......... what would be the fun of that? Why impose a pesky thing like boundaries now when we are having such a fine time?  Plus, there are already a few delicious ironies about our weekend that may slip her royal majesty's mind after it is swimming with images of swimming naked folks.  You should know that we went to this place once before when my kids were at camp this summer. Another reason to celebrate my children getting back to nature.  It was less than 3 months after my husband's surgery. Frankly, I was blown away that he would strip so boldly given the freshness of his very visible scars. There was no room to whine about my self-consciousness of the 15 pounds of fat I wish I'd lost before we came. We were there late on Sunday afternoon to Monday morning. It was fun and frisky, and very low-key. No naked flirting or sex in front of others. Apparently my spouse was hoping to have a lot more of both of those activities, because those have been central in his comments when we have spoken about going back.

So, we have a cabin reserved for Oktoberfest this weekend. GGRREEAATT - consume paunch-inducing beer and calorie-laden German food before padding around in the buff. To you,  I can whine about the fact that I have done nothing about those 15 pounds in the intervening 2 months. I'll let it go - really. Just venting. Their website is advertising party games involving  Jagermeister shots Saturday afternoon in the pool. That should excise those inhibitions pretty quickly. I fear we are going from a sleepy evening to aging Spring Break in Cancun.  Since I never did that (worked my way through college), and never flashed my breasts at Mardi Gras (veteran of 15 New Orleans parades), I guess I am due.  Might have been good to do these things when my breasts did not hit the floor without support, but too late for that now. It is all National Geographic, all the time.

Promised ironies - delivering ironies. Today I went and had my nails and toes painted to get ready for our time away. REALLY!?! Naked - buck, stark naked - and I am hoping people notice my toes. Methinks Prom Queen talks big and uninhibited, but she is painting her toes to settle her nerves before heading out to a Roman orgy.  Not that we are participating. Watching and being watched, but not jumping in. We still have issues with the "forsaking all others" clause in the contract.

Irony #2 - Friday and Saturday nights,  they have a dance club area at the naked place. Chatting with others and looking at the web pictures, it appears you wear clothes to the dances at the naked place. It does not look like they are wearing my style of dance clothes (warm weather mom uniform - denim knee-length skirt, random fitted t-shirt and ballet flats. Dancing, car-pooling, shelving books at the library, in class - this is what I wear). Clothes is using the term loosely. Even lingerie appears to be using the term loosely. Once again, Emily Post did not include a section which gives hints about  what to wear to naked place dances. Not only that, but because it is Oktoberfest, Saturday's dance is a costume party with a theme - Hansel and Gretel in the woods. All I can think of with that theme is Flowers In the Attic. So now, I am at the local sex toy shop buying a sexy beer wench costume, and a short tutu to make it puff out, stockings, push-up bra with only half my breasts covered, and trying to find something appropriate for Friday nights soiree!  I know I could opt out, but I am a costume girl. If I am going, I am playing. The full irony is that I spent $150 on clothes for a naked place. And, I'll have to take a suitcase. Isn't that hilarious! I guess if we went to the hippy granola nudist place with children running around, no costume needed. I'll pay the toll. Wish me luck!