Much needed advice
Thanks to all the nice guys who contacted me off-list to ask if that was me in the twister outfit. No, it was not. It was the MODEL on the package of the twister outfit. Sorry I did not make that more clear. Or not sorry, as I got some interesting propositions. However, the eyelashes with the crows feet all around them - yep that is 100% me. So far you have seen feet, ankles and crows feet. No HGTV-style big "reveal" episode planned for the future.
Rest asurred, if I looked that in the twister costume, I would NOT have been bitching about losing 15 pounds before going to the nekkid place. Really!! Or if I did, I should have been taken out and thrashed or hospitalized. No fear of anorexia nervosa at castle Prom Queen. Especially not after the impressive candy haul my kids did at Halloween. At one point, I was sorry to have sold our little red wagon.
Humor of the week - I instituted a new policy around these parts - anything left on princess's bedroom floor at night becomes property of the Queen, and such will be in a bag o' time out goods for 2 weeks. So, guess what I got to do Sunday? Put my youngest daughter's BIBLE in time out. Express ticket to hell - don't ya' think? Shooting the pope, joining a coven, putting your child's Bible in time out; I think these all qualify. Now, it is Friday, and she has not noticed yet, so the guilt is abating. But not by much. Come Sunday morning when she gets up to head to church and asks about her brand-new shiny 3rd grade Bible in it's sassy cover with the pencil case and the tabs to find each book, Mom gets to say, "It is in the time out bag." Help - parents or all who weigh-in on such matters. No one has yet noticed a DAMN THING missing from their rooms! Do I go all Puritan on her and keep the Good Book in the bag, or is this a moment of new testament grace where I sneak it on the back of her door where it belongs? Clock is ticking for your responses. I am sure my eternal damnation is already sealed for strongly desiring to use it as the missing object that might help enforce the lesson that "cleanliness is next to godliness." What would you do?
Prom Queen
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Reader Comments (2)
Your majesty,
Although I missed your Sunday-Going-to-Meeting deadline for advice on whether or not to cave on the Good Book, I just want to add that from my experience (and having tried your tactic myself), house apes and ape-ettes only notice things are missing at the moment they will need them, and then it will be your fault if they are late/fail a class/are sent to Sing Sing/have to marry the girl.
Granted, my experience only involves boys, but from what I've heard the distaff side of the gender line behaves pretty much the same. I have even tried the "You wanna live in a pigsty, then live in a pigsty!" threat (my mom's favorite) and just closed the doors to their rooms. All that did was teach me that there are some teenage boys who are just fine with fossilized fried chicken under their beds.
Parents of even more experience have told me that only the most drastic of measures will ensure standards compliance, and that only temporarily: Public destruction of the offending piece of property - tossing a match onto the offensive, unwashed pair of bluejeans in the middle of the front yard, chunking the Gameboy/Ipod/cellphone out the window of a moving car, giving the entire contents of their bedroom to Goodwill, etc.
But, for the sake of my blood pressure and the desire to live long enough to see their own kids torture them, I have learned to pick my battles. Zen teaches that a messy desk is, after all, just a messy desk.
I also missed your Royal Majesty's deadline, but I think it's ok to have exactly that conversation with the princesses, share your tortured conflicts, then give the Bible back, but show them the other items in time out so they notice them. At least that way, they notice the other things in time out!